Letter to Self

A friend of mine told me about a professor of hers who encouraged his class to write obscure letters to places and things. I loved the idea and loved a letter she wrote, so I decided I would write an obscure letter to myself.

Dear Ibi,

I know that a lot of the time you feel small – like when you read the things you have written in your journal and think, for the life of you, “How will I achieve even half of these?” Remember that you are a giant; small as you seem, you carry something inside of you. Just believe it. Believe in Him and believe in yourself a little bit more.

I think you need to forgive all the people who were mean to you in high school – Adam Gayton who made fun of your suit, Kika Karam who semi-bullied you, Elidh Davidson who made you feel uncool, and the lot of them who made you feel small and insignificant. Let it go. Let them go.

And you’re not as bad a cook as you think. I think you make good chicken and great pasta – the one you mix with pesto. I think you will make a good mum, because you have a lot of love to give.

Also, stop thinking about New York Film Academy, the University of California at Santa Barbra and the University of Houston. Stop thinking about all the things that could have been, all the things that may have been. You went to two solidly good universities and you scaled right through. Take joy in what you have achieved (stop thinking about what could have been) and forever remain grateful to God that He has kept and will continually keep you.

Also, congrats on finally hooking yourself a man! FINALLY!! He will be good to you. He will take care of you. Stop thinking negative thoughts about the relationship. Take it a day at a time and before you look back, a year, three, seven years would have passed by and they will be filled with joy.

God loves you. You are very close to His heart even though you don’t often feel it or understand it.

Also, keep writing. I love it when you write. You might be no Alysia Harris or Rudy Francisco, but you are very gifted with your writing and God will use it to touch lives. You wait and see.

Also, keep loving Jesus. Hold on to Him like the Spring of Life that He is. People will always say things about Him – they will always try to undermine Him and the Bible and the Redemption Story – but just remember that He saved you and, like Peter said, His story isn’t a made up tale intelligently woven. It is real. And He is real. 

Finally, stop being so obsessed with your weight. For heaven’s sake, you already look so skinny. Stop trying to get even skinnier than you already are because you’re simply going to get vainer than you already are. Your chin and arms and stomach and neck are fine.

Finally, finally – before I forget – stop comparing yourself to everybody else. You aren’t them. You are you. And you are enough.