You will be fine

Sometimes
When I am confused
Unsure how to feel about a certain happenance
I don't process it
I try not to think about it
I leave it hanging at the edge of my consciousness
Unwanted
Left out in the cold

Because I don't know how to feel
When my brother
Grown, man
Cries

Or how to feel
That my grandmother has gone forever
And that I will never hear her voice again
Her voice or her laughter

How do I process it?
Confusion
Grieve
Pain
Uncertainty
Joy
Peace
Quiet
Sadness

I can't
So I don't think about it
I pretend as though it doesn't exist
As though it never happened
He did not cry
And she is still here


"You will be fine. Numb. Fine and numb are the same thing." 
- Melly Grant