Crisis Manager, Manage Thyself
Up until four years ago, when I moved back home to Nigeria, I would say that I was a 'transient person' -- I lived in a number of countries, cities, moving about every two or three years and didn't get the chance to grow deep-rooted friendships (and this is why I still longingly look at people who have been "best friends all their lives" -- it's something I've never had a chance to build).
I once had a guy I kind-of-but-not-really dated (because he thought it was cool to date me and someone else at the same time -- story for another day) call me "earthy and warm". Another friend of mine told me I was something like a "crisis manager", that I helped him work through some issues he was dealing with at the time.
What I've quickly realised, though, is however warm and "nice" I am, people eventually leave me and this my warmness entirely to ourselves. I'm the person my girlfriends run to when they need someone to accompany them to the market, or someone to help plan a party, or a listening hear to talk things over with and, as quickly as they rush to me, to help them 'manage their crisis' -- as soon as the fabrics have been bargained for and bought, as soon as the party is over, as soon as the relational friction is resolved -- they leave and I am left to see how that fabric turned out on Instagram, or hear that the celebrant loved the party via a third party, etcetera etcetera.
In simple words; nobody sticks around.
Am I complaining? Yes, a little. And do I blame myself, yes, entirely. Because:
a) After nearly thirty years on God's green earth, how do I still not know that people will leave?
b) I, "crisis manager", should manage myself and not spread myself so thin for people who will dust their feet off and walk away when it's all over.
On second thoughts though, maybe it isn't entirely my fault -- maybe my previous transient nature made it near impossible (or too late) for me to learn how to be the kind of person people want to stick with (but if I'm not the kind of person you want to stick with, why bother me in the first place? -- question for another day).
My husband is the kind of person that people like to be around. He has at least five solid friends that I know of who not only call him when they need something, but come over to the house, play Pro Evo Soccer with him, talk really loudly about movie trailers and DC Comics and eat our food. Then again, Bill has lived in Lagos over ten years and has known these guys since university. So he's been able to dig deep with these guys and form solid bonds with them. And I envy it; I envy it a lot.
While I am grateful to have been exposed to the world at a young age, travelling so often has had it's draw backs on the quality of relationships I have formed. Also, while I am not letting people (I don't even know if I can call them 'friends') off the hook for mostly being self-seeking and fickle, I'm just evaluating the various angles of this "Crisis Manager" that I am.
I once had a guy I kind-of-but-not-really dated (because he thought it was cool to date me and someone else at the same time -- story for another day) call me "earthy and warm". Another friend of mine told me I was something like a "crisis manager", that I helped him work through some issues he was dealing with at the time.
What I've quickly realised, though, is however warm and "nice" I am, people eventually leave me and this my warmness entirely to ourselves. I'm the person my girlfriends run to when they need someone to accompany them to the market, or someone to help plan a party, or a listening hear to talk things over with and, as quickly as they rush to me, to help them 'manage their crisis' -- as soon as the fabrics have been bargained for and bought, as soon as the party is over, as soon as the relational friction is resolved -- they leave and I am left to see how that fabric turned out on Instagram, or hear that the celebrant loved the party via a third party, etcetera etcetera.
In simple words; nobody sticks around.
Am I complaining? Yes, a little. And do I blame myself, yes, entirely. Because:
a) After nearly thirty years on God's green earth, how do I still not know that people will leave?
b) I, "crisis manager", should manage myself and not spread myself so thin for people who will dust their feet off and walk away when it's all over.
On second thoughts though, maybe it isn't entirely my fault -- maybe my previous transient nature made it near impossible (or too late) for me to learn how to be the kind of person people want to stick with (but if I'm not the kind of person you want to stick with, why bother me in the first place? -- question for another day).
My husband is the kind of person that people like to be around. He has at least five solid friends that I know of who not only call him when they need something, but come over to the house, play Pro Evo Soccer with him, talk really loudly about movie trailers and DC Comics and eat our food. Then again, Bill has lived in Lagos over ten years and has known these guys since university. So he's been able to dig deep with these guys and form solid bonds with them. And I envy it; I envy it a lot.
While I am grateful to have been exposed to the world at a young age, travelling so often has had it's draw backs on the quality of relationships I have formed. Also, while I am not letting people (I don't even know if I can call them 'friends') off the hook for mostly being self-seeking and fickle, I'm just evaluating the various angles of this "Crisis Manager" that I am.
Comments
Post a Comment