How to Help Nigeria (and Yourself)
1. Don't drive like a lunatic.
2. Show up to work on time.
3. Don't invite people to your church's programmes all year round and then turn out to be the office gossip.
4. Don't sleep with your underage house maid or house boy, or douse him/her in kerosene or set him/her on fire.
5. We've said it before (and we'll keep saying it), if you're in a position of authority - you're a police/military officer, a judge, a lecturer, a government official - stop asking for and collecting bribes (and stop making us repeat this same damn thing all the time).
6. If you're a pastor, an imam or a religious leader, stop lying to your congregation; stop stifling and repressing people, stop being a high-grade hypocrite. Stop stealing from religious institutions and making a living off the honest sweat of the poor, flying around the world First Class (or in your own private jet).
7. Stop breaking into people's homes, stealing from them, raping and killing them.
8. If you occupy public office and you know to God that you're just there to steal and not to build anything substantial that will benefit the masses, please resign.
9. Treat your employees like they're actually human beings.
10. Stop concocting means with which to rip off your employer.
11. Stop littering up and down like you don't have a trashcan in your house.
12. Stop peeing up and down like you don't have a latrine in your home.
13. Stop grabbing the arms and the asses of women in markets who don't care that you're selling very nice jeans.
14. Stop cheating on your spouse.
15. Stop beating your spouse.
16. Don't be rude.
17. Learn to say Please and Thank You.
18. If you heard the bus conductor say "Hold your change o! I no get change o!", don't pretend you didn't hear and then get into a fight with him when you get to your bus stop.
19. Stop keeping up appearances.
20. If you don't know what's wrong with the car or where Somosu Street is, say so.
21. For heaven's sake, learn to stand in queues and wait your turn at banks and filling stations.
2. Show up to work on time.
3. Don't invite people to your church's programmes all year round and then turn out to be the office gossip.
4. Don't sleep with your underage house maid or house boy, or douse him/her in kerosene or set him/her on fire.
5. We've said it before (and we'll keep saying it), if you're in a position of authority - you're a police/military officer, a judge, a lecturer, a government official - stop asking for and collecting bribes (and stop making us repeat this same damn thing all the time).
6. If you're a pastor, an imam or a religious leader, stop lying to your congregation; stop stifling and repressing people, stop being a high-grade hypocrite. Stop stealing from religious institutions and making a living off the honest sweat of the poor, flying around the world First Class (or in your own private jet).
7. Stop breaking into people's homes, stealing from them, raping and killing them.
8. If you occupy public office and you know to God that you're just there to steal and not to build anything substantial that will benefit the masses, please resign.
9. Treat your employees like they're actually human beings.
10. Stop concocting means with which to rip off your employer.
11. Stop littering up and down like you don't have a trashcan in your house.
12. Stop peeing up and down like you don't have a latrine in your home.
13. Stop grabbing the arms and the asses of women in markets who don't care that you're selling very nice jeans.
14. Stop cheating on your spouse.
15. Stop beating your spouse.
16. Don't be rude.
17. Learn to say Please and Thank You.
18. If you heard the bus conductor say "Hold your change o! I no get change o!", don't pretend you didn't hear and then get into a fight with him when you get to your bus stop.
19. Stop keeping up appearances.
20. If you don't know what's wrong with the car or where Somosu Street is, say so.
21. For heaven's sake, learn to stand in queues and wait your turn at banks and filling stations.
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