Cathexis

I will lay down self
cast hope into high waters
let resolution drown
What is life
that I stand - time
and time again
- at crossroads
that have never saved me?
What is hope
that it hangs me to die
from tight nooses
makes me eat poison
smothers me in smoke?
What am I
that I have tried time and again to find you
time and again to save myself
and yet here I am
drowning