20 - Thought Vomit
I'm going to cheat and write a thought-vomit instead of a poem for #OctPoWriMo today:
I just read an email from a good friend, Ayo, who is, well, a dreamer.
"No matter where you're from, your dreams are valid." - Lupita Nyong'o
The quote above is so apt for where my mind and heart are right now.
I know that there are times my dreams do feel invalid. I have a fairly good idea of what it feels like to have dreams (which appear 'too big and lofty', even to your family and close friends) which you feel are too far for you to reach. So why habour such big dreams in the first place, when they appear unattainable? But they just won't go away. You dream them, you feel them, you see them, you stop whatever you're doing, grab your phone or notebook and jot down ideas that won't stop popping into your head...
Since I was about 15/16, I had a fairly good idea what I wanted to do with my life; I wanted to be a writer and establish an NGO. Of course, with my parents it was always: "My friend, you better go to school and get a degree." And, fair enough, school is good. So I went to school and got a degree. But, to be frank, till this day I feel as though my parents address the things I really want for myself so casually, without understanding why I want these things and what motivates me to pursue them. I love my parents though. They're great, and I have forgiven them for the times I felt they didn't support me.
Anyway.
Ayo wrote me an email; he recently wrote a book of poems and wants to start an initiative with other writers next year. It's pretty awesome, and I'm looking forward to being a part of it.
Reading Ayo's email a few moments ago gave me mixed feelings.
Happy - I am happy that there are several of us (sometimes clueless, unsure) young people striving to do what we want with our lives, regardless of the obstacles that situations put in our way.
Sad - I have been trying so long to attain my dreams. I feel tired sometimes; unsure about if this is what I am supposed to do with my life and if I can accomplish it; unhappy that it seems to be taking so long to attain; confused about the next phase; stalled by circumstances (most especially financial ones).
I recently started an NGO with my fiance, The Love Eternity Foundation. Like I said earlier, since I was about 15/16 I knew what I wanted to do, but the registration of the NGO and watching it become a reality just happened this year... That's a 10 year time span. How many more '10 year spans' do I have, I wonder?
With all the money, time and hardwork I put into getting the NGO registered with the Corporate Affairs Commission, getting a bank account open and a website up, you would think I would be over the moon in excitement. But mainly, what I felt on Friday evening/Saturday morning as I sent emails out was tiredness. I just felt, tired. No excitement. Just tired.
But I've got to keep going. Whether or not I feel excited. Whether or not I get a response. Whether or not anyone even reads this post. I know that this is what I want to do and that I can achieve it. If I stop now - and I can't, after sending God-know-how-many emails over the weekend announcing the launch of the NGO - I won't accomplish anything. And I have to accomplish this. Because, cliche as it sounds, this is what I was born to do.
I just read an email from a good friend, Ayo, who is, well, a dreamer.
"No matter where you're from, your dreams are valid." - Lupita Nyong'o
The quote above is so apt for where my mind and heart are right now.
I know that there are times my dreams do feel invalid. I have a fairly good idea of what it feels like to have dreams (which appear 'too big and lofty', even to your family and close friends) which you feel are too far for you to reach. So why habour such big dreams in the first place, when they appear unattainable? But they just won't go away. You dream them, you feel them, you see them, you stop whatever you're doing, grab your phone or notebook and jot down ideas that won't stop popping into your head...
Since I was about 15/16, I had a fairly good idea what I wanted to do with my life; I wanted to be a writer and establish an NGO. Of course, with my parents it was always: "My friend, you better go to school and get a degree." And, fair enough, school is good. So I went to school and got a degree. But, to be frank, till this day I feel as though my parents address the things I really want for myself so casually, without understanding why I want these things and what motivates me to pursue them. I love my parents though. They're great, and I have forgiven them for the times I felt they didn't support me.
Anyway.
Ayo wrote me an email; he recently wrote a book of poems and wants to start an initiative with other writers next year. It's pretty awesome, and I'm looking forward to being a part of it.
Reading Ayo's email a few moments ago gave me mixed feelings.
Happy - I am happy that there are several of us (sometimes clueless, unsure) young people striving to do what we want with our lives, regardless of the obstacles that situations put in our way.
Sad - I have been trying so long to attain my dreams. I feel tired sometimes; unsure about if this is what I am supposed to do with my life and if I can accomplish it; unhappy that it seems to be taking so long to attain; confused about the next phase; stalled by circumstances (most especially financial ones).
I recently started an NGO with my fiance, The Love Eternity Foundation. Like I said earlier, since I was about 15/16 I knew what I wanted to do, but the registration of the NGO and watching it become a reality just happened this year... That's a 10 year time span. How many more '10 year spans' do I have, I wonder?
With all the money, time and hardwork I put into getting the NGO registered with the Corporate Affairs Commission, getting a bank account open and a website up, you would think I would be over the moon in excitement. But mainly, what I felt on Friday evening/Saturday morning as I sent emails out was tiredness. I just felt, tired. No excitement. Just tired.
But I've got to keep going. Whether or not I feel excited. Whether or not I get a response. Whether or not anyone even reads this post. I know that this is what I want to do and that I can achieve it. If I stop now - and I can't, after sending God-know-how-many emails over the weekend announcing the launch of the NGO - I won't accomplish anything. And I have to accomplish this. Because, cliche as it sounds, this is what I was born to do.
I felt like I was reading a notice to myself. I too have been feeling this way for a very long time and I'm also confused and tired. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing and my dreams are so far fetched it sounds almost laughable. Keep going and doing what you're doing. I hope all of your dreams come true and more. I know what it's like doing "the right thing" by going to college and getting a degree yet none of it feels like it has paid off. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey, Elle. Thanks, man. It's been an emotional journey, but they say that if there is life, then there is hope, so we hope and fight on. I pray also that all your dreams come true!
DeleteGod bless.
Keep going, for it's not over until you win
ReplyDelete